Untitled Story.

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Untitled Story.

Post  Anime_Amanda_ on Fri Jul 31, 2009 2:27 pm

Author: -_- Guess.
Editor: Kelsi.

Chapter one: The second to last day of BA

It was Sunday and the private school kids from ‘BA’, or Beach Academy named after the founder and the beach right next to the school, were relaxing on the beach. Tomorrow was their last day of school, and they were going to use the beach as long as they could. One girl was lying down on a blue and white striped beach towel. She was wearing a sky blue bikini with two bows on the top of the bottom piece. She was faced down, and had her head propped up on her crossed arms. Her eyes were closed and she was really taking in the relaxing atmosphere of the beach. This girl was sixteen year old Rosalina Martin, usually called Rose. Rose’s skin had turned a pretty tan since summer started, seeing as the beach was her favorite spot. She was just enjoying soaking in her beach day out. Rose even had her dark brown hair in a ponytail for that beach feel.

The ocean’s waves were in the favor of the students today. It was making the perfect sizes of the waves for surfing and boogie boarding. One boy in particular was really using this to his advantage. He swam out into the ocean, lying flat down on his green surfboard that had a single black strip running down the middle of it. The boy’s black hair came to his ears. It seems his hair was created of little spikes that all the girls, well at least all but one, loved. He had pushed it off to an angel so his soft blue eyes could focus on the water. Giggling, one of the girl’s on shore was actually videoing everything he was doing on her cell phone. This was Jake Kling we’re talking about though; he was like a celebrity at BA. The guys at the school ignored that all the girls like him and seeing as he was really cool, they were friends with him. Jake flipped his hair out of his eyes, focusing on the ocean as he turned his back away from where the waves came from. At the exact moment one came crashing towards him. Easily, he road it to the shore and stepped off of his board. He smiled to no one in particular but most of the girls thought he was aiming it at them, and they giggled like mad. He noticed the one girl who hadn’t even lifted her head to acknowledge him was Rose.

Jake narrowed his eyes, seeing as he had at half of the girls crushing on him, or the other half at least liking him. She just acted as if he wasn’t there! He sat down next to her towel, and sat up; his hands digging down in the sand. “So,” He said in a cool tone, almost as if he wasn’t even caring, “Why in the world do you hate me?” Rose sat up as she heard his voice, “Where ever did you get that feel? I mean really, just because I don’t gawk at you doesn’t mean I ‘hate’ you.” Rose looked at him with her wide eyes in her mind thinking, “Why must you be so thick? A girl might not love you but that doesn’t mean she hates you. But I guess that’s just Jake for you?” She smiled at him slightly and grabbed her towel, “Look I’ve got to go. You know, pack. But I don’t have to love you to like you, or not love you to hate you. Keep that in mind.” With that, Rose stood up and walked off.

Jake’s sat there for a while, thinking. He shrugged his shoulders after thinking about her and said aloud to him self, “Jeez, I shouldn’t try so hard over one girl. I mean really she’s not like a trophy or anything! Anyways I have the rest of the girls..” Jake closed his eyes, thinking about what she said, but before he could think about it any more, his best friend George jogged over to him. “Hey dude!” Jake looked up and smiled, showing his teeth. “Hey.” He eyed the Frisbee in his best friend’s hand. “You’re so predictable.” George raised his eyebrows hen he said that. “Me? Predictable?” George said in surprise shock. Jake nodded, but as he did George pushed him over, but in the way a friend would. “Hey!” The two ran off, and eventually began to play Frisbee.

Rose jogged into her dorm room, her eyes half closed in concentration. “Why does he even care?” She muttered, talking to her self, “He’s got every girl in school, he doesn’t have to have me under the spell. To think of have to put of with his fan girls another two weeks!” Rose flung herself onto her bed, her tanned face red in the cheeks. Lola, Rose’s best friend and roommate walked into the room. Lola's dark brown hair ended at her elbows, it wasn't pulled back or anything today so the two blue streaks in the front easily showed. She wore a simple purple tank top and a pair of denim shorts. She walked in holding a cup of chocolate ice cream in her right hand, and one of cookie dough in her left. “I’m guessing you’re having another Jakattack.” That’s what the two girls said when Rose was in deep thought about Jake, “Here have some cookie dough.”

Rose sat up, in Indian position. She grinned at her friend, and Lola just giggled. “Really? Just walking around in a bikini Rose?” Rose stuck her tongue out at her friend and slipped an old blue t-shirt over the bikini top and a pair of creamy colored kakis was easily pulled over her bikini bottom. Lola smiled, “At least we bunk together at camp.” Rose sighed at the word camp, but quickly stuffed her mouth with a large chunk of the ice cream. “Yea I guess. And this way we don’t have to put up with Sam for that long when we get home!” Lola and Rose were neighbors, and there was this one obnoxious ten year old boy on their street who always bugged down. Lola laughed at that statement, “That just made my day!” Rose shrugged, seeing as she and Lola always joked around this was the usual routine. “Oh god…. Don’t eat any ice cream! We don’t want it going up your nose again!” Rose laughed along with Lola at her own joke and the two friends continued to talk.

“Hey Jake heads up!” Jake got the Frisbee that his friend passed him. It was just a normal plastic red disc they found in the school gift shop. Jake furiously tossed the plastic red Frisbee towards his friend. His mind was racing, this was a game, and he was awfully competitive. But, his friend hadn’t seen it coming and the disc went into the water, floating away. “Jake we should make a tally of every time you do that!” “Got it!” Jake barked this as he got a running start towards the ocean. He jumped into the water, and immediately began to swim towards the disc. It was floating away at an irregularly fast pace seeing how the waves had stopped, and either way they came towards shore not away. Stretching out his arm to the fullest length possible, Jake grabbed the disc. He noticed had had swam out pretty far without any effort. He covered her eyes from the sun, deciding he was a least a good half a mile away from shore. With a large breath he started back to his friends on shore, and this time it took all the effort for him it’d usually take. The entire way he thought “Why did the head master have to decide to have a ‘fun’ two weeks of camp for the entire tenth grade? I mean we only have some summer every year!”
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Re: Untitled Story.

Post  Anime_Amanda_ on Fri Jul 31, 2009 2:31 pm

Comments?
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Re: Untitled Story.

Post  Anime_Amanda_ on Fri Jul 31, 2009 4:15 pm

;~; What do you mean. I never posted anything.


Last edited by Anime_Amanda_ on Fri Jul 31, 2009 4:30 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Untitled Story.

Post  Scooby-Doo on Fri Jul 31, 2009 4:26 pm

Hey, when I posted my little piece here I didn't go "lol any comments?" four minutes after posting it. In fact, I posted it a few days ago and I haven't gotten anything, but I'm not complaining. :L If you want comments, don't beg for them and ask and ask and ask.

I've noticed something. I got a bit confused when Jake and Rose were talking; separate a new line for each speaker. It gets confusing if it's all in big clumpy paragraphs. An example is the third paragraph and the last paragraph. Here is the third paragraph edited to separating a line for each speaker:

The chapter wrote:Jake narrowed his eyes, seeing as he had at half of the girls crushing on him, or the other half at least liking him. She just acted as if he wasn’t there! He sat down next to her towel, and sat up; his hands digging down in the sand. “So,” He said in a cool tone, almost as if he wasn’t even caring, “Why in the world do you hate me?”

Rose sat up as she heard his voice, “Where ever did you get that feel? I mean really, just because I don’t gawk at you doesn’t mean I ‘hate’ you.” Rose looked at him with her wide eyes in her mind thinking, Why must you be so thick? A girl might not love you but that doesn’t mean she hates you. But I guess that’s just Jake for you. She smiled at him slightly and grabbed her towel. “Look I’ve got to go. You know, pack. But I don’t have to love you to like you, or not love you to hate you. Keep that in mind.” With that, Rose stood up and walked off.

See how much neater and more organized that looks?

I bolded some punctuation errors and italicized the thoughts - thoughts should be italicized, because if they're in quotation marks the reader might get confused to if the narrator is speaking or thinking something. At first I thought she said that, instead of thinking it.

Otherwise, it's good. I like it.
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Re: Untitled Story.

Post  Anime_Amanda_ on Fri Jul 31, 2009 4:29 pm

Sorry. XD I'm a little impatient...

Oh oops! -_- I had it italicized on word.
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Re: Untitled Story.

Post  Scooby-Doo on Fri Jul 31, 2009 4:35 pm

What I do is type in the coding I need in word, so when I post it here I don't need to go back and type in the codes I need.
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Re: Untitled Story.

Post  Anime_Amanda_ on Fri Jul 31, 2009 4:36 pm

Ah, that sounds good. I've had this written for a week or so, but wanted to release it after I had the second chapter but I just am having some trouble figuring out what to do for the next part.
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